Entering Adulthood

Dear friends and loved ones,

In the past several months of finding my independence in Houston, I have undergone significant personal change. It wasn't until I stepped out on my own that I began to confront honestly and nakedly the belief system, moral paradigm, and lifestyle by which I was raised. And to tell you frankly, I have found evangelical, fundamentalist Christianity very wanting in the depths of my spirit. I no longer feel that I must "believe" (falsely) what those around me call "truth" in order to "go to heaven," or, indeed, to have an authentic relationship with God. I no longer intend to listen to others with my own inflexible agenda; I no longer choose to categorize life's complexities in shallow black and white boxes; I no longer can authentically claim superiority in my worship system over everyone else's.

What remains the same? Me. Who I am fundamentally. My deep love for Jesus. My deep appreciation for and dependence on the mystery of God. My desire to genuinely love other people. My heart to see others well. My desire for unity, peace, truth, wholeness. My wounds, my flaws, my shame, my immaturity, my beauty, my triumph, my greatness, my wisdom.

A hugely motivating force in my personal transformation has been entering into my first ever romantic relationship, with a person who I deeply love and respect. My partner, who also did Mission Year in Houston (on one of the other teams in the city), is a woman. Having been raised to believe that "homosexuality" is a sin, I had to choose for myself between fear of a doctrine and what many of my loved ones (doubtless including some of you) think, and the love I felt called to in my own spirit. Love is winning. More than that, I am becoming a softer, gentler, more vulnerable, more honest, more whole person in the process.

In no way has this process been easy or simple. But I believe that I am coming to know myself and the world around me more truly with every step. To those of you who find this information offensive, my intentions are not to dishonor you in any way, but to honor you by honoring myself and by sharing with you honestly. I hope that this unexpected turn in my life will not drive a rift between any of us, but will push us to greater love for one another even in our differences. I ask for your acceptance of me and the fact that this is my life and my relationship, as well as a very personal and tender part of my life in which I ask for your respect, and not any negative viewpoints.

In other news, I am coming to visit at the end of September, and bringing Jessi along to meet y'all. Really looking forward to seeing you. Miss you.

With love,
Hannah